How to help a friend with mental illness

One in Five Australian's will be affected by mental illness each year. Source: Pexels.

Originally published @ Hijacked Online.

Sophie* was Dux of our year. She was the girl that aimed high – we always thought that Sophie would get to where she wanted. She was friends with someone from each of the groups at school. She was full of sparkle and zest. She was the last person that I expected to struggle with a mental illness.

Her illness went untreated for months before she was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder – an illness commonly described as like being on a roller-coaster with your emotions. One minute you’re elated and the next you can feel so low that normal social and personal functioning becomes a great struggle. These rapid changes, or ‘episodes’ can last as a long as a week.

One in five Australian’s will be affected by a mental illness every year. For Sophie, it was trigged by family trauma, and soon took over her whole life.

“I started feeling small and insignificant,” she said. “I wanted to be invisible inside a room, which was complete the opposite to how I usually was. I felt that everything I said or did needed to be calculated, otherwise I would do something wrong...

“I was reckless and on a path of self-destruction. I would smoke inside the house and not even attempt to hide it from my Mum. I didn't respect my body, I just longed to feel wanted and loved but I was repellent to most people because of my over intensity and lack of boundaries. It’s so difficult to find the right support.”

At first we didn’t really know what to do. Despite our best efforts, without a diagnosis or medication, we didn’t know how to help. It was my first year of uni and I was living four hours from home in Bathurst. I remember getting calls from all my friends to the effect of: “have you heard about Sophie?” “Do you think she’s okay?” “What should we do?” I really did feel helpless.

Over the months the manic episodes increased. I’d learnt plenty about mental illness in school but it wasn’t until it affected someone I love that I really understood how difficult it really is.

Without knowing what to do, my friends and I started to withdraw. This was the worst thing we could have done but at the time it felt like the only option – it wasn’t our place to force her into help. On reflection, by doing nothing it’s possible that we were making it worse.

“Towards the end of my two episodes, I lost all my support network,” Sophie told me later. “People couldn't deal with me anymore.”

In hindsight, I'm disappointed in myself for how I handled my friendship with Sophie while she was struggling with mental illness. The hardest thing for me was that I wanted to have the answers for Sophie. I wanted to try and counsel her in something I had no idea about, so instead I used the geographical distance as an excuse for not being there for her.

What I should have done is checked in more and been open about what was happening, rather than sweeping it under the rug. That is something I regret, but I feel like I'm making up for it now – both Sophie and I are very open about how we were feeling at the time and what could have been handled better. Now that she’s been diagnosed we can all talk about Sophie’s struggles with her, and she’s managing it far better.

Mental Ilness can leave you feeling not quite yourself. Image: Pexels

“My struggles have helped me to where I am today,” she said. “…this is part of what makes me who I am and I'm not going to hide that.”

Watching from the sidelines, this experience has shown me that mental illness really can affect absolutely anyone and can be really damaging if left untreated. We’re lucky that Sophie ended up getting the right help and she can now speak up as someone that has survived the hardest of times.

I asked Sophie what advice she would give to other people that are struggling with mental illness: “Don't run away from professional help – psychologists and psychiatrists have helped save my life,” she said. “In saying that, you’re allowed to question expert advice. After all, you are the expert on yourself - no one else has seen through your eyes. You can heal, re-build and find yourself again. I’m not the person I was before everything began… I am now much more resilient, much more compassionate and know myself better than I ever have.”

If you are struggling with a mental illness or want to find out more visit Headspace or Beyond Blue. For crisis support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au.

*Name has been changed

#Health #Lifestyle